went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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