i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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