Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
