in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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