I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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