then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
