flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
