Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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