you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Pants are for mortals
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
