I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
