his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
