Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Operation Purity has been aborted
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
