I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
