Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
