No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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