At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
