and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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