dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she peed on how many people?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
