matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
