you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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