Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
