The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
