you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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