a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
