i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
