NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
