glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
