he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
