just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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