Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
