I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
