STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
