I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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