Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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