I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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