Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
