i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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