Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
