New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
