Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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