Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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