just come out here and I will go home with you...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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