When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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