That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
