so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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