Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
