i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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