I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
