I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
