i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
