i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
