Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
