Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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