Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
