Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
