Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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