I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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