I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
