Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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